By Dan Polecheck
You could just kick yourself, you don’t even want to be around yourself and you withdraw from people because you are ashamed and guilty about what you did in your past. You are holding a grudge against yourself.
You have accepted Jesus and know what he has done for you. You have repented, but your past still keeps bugging you.
You are basically denying the suffering that Jesus did for you on the cross. If your sins have been forgiven then you need to distance yourself from your sins.
The devil will be right there to remind you of those sins and stir up those feelings from the past until you are wrapped in guilt and condemnation. You can go through deliverance, but until you forgive yourself for the mistakes you made you will never, never be totally free. You will never feel the total joy of being with your Savior Jesus Christ.
When you receive a gift from someone and enjoy that gift, the giver is glorified. But if someone gives you a gift and you ignore it, the giver feels like you didn’t like it and is dishearten because you are not enjoying the gift they gave you.
How would you feel if you gave your child a trip to Great America for their birthday and they said they didn’t want to go because they didn’t think it was for real. Wouldn’t you feel sick to your stomach that you had spent money on the tickets, motel and other expenses?
How do you think it makes Jesus feel to look down at us and see us beating ourselves up for the very same things that He shed His blood for on the cross? I believe that failing to forgive ourselves is denying everything that Jesus did for us to wash away our sins. You are basically saying, “I don’t care what You did for me. I don’t care that You suffered and died. I don’t care that You shed Your blood for me. I still hate myself for what I did!”
So what can you do to change this? Realize that deep inside yourself, you are not very happy with who you used to be. If you are in denial, then you need to figure out the problem before you try to apply a solution. Making a list all of the things that you hate about your past might be a very good start. Then give them to the Lord, one-by-one, and release yourself from each failure.
The only way that you can continue to beat yourself up, after Jesus has paid your debt, is by not accepting the gift that He has given you. If He’s paid the debt, and you keep denying that fact, then you are rejecting the very gift that God has given you! You need to accept what Jesus has done for you by faith.
You need open up your heart as well as your mind and allow the blessed light of Jesus shine and let Him shed some light on the darkness of your soul. Let God heal you… as long as you keep holding something against yourself, you are blocking the Holy Spirit’s from entering and healing your mind and your heart.
If you have sought God’s forgiveness and are truly sorry for what you have done in the past, you have be forgiven. The important key is to see your past through the Blood of Jesus. You need to see your past debt as “paid in full” by the work that Christ did for you on the cross! You need to realize that looking at things with this perspective changes everything! You need to start seeing yourself through the eyes of Jesus.
If may hate the person that you are, but God’s Word tells us that you were born again into a new creation and that creation has been washed clean with the Blood of Jesus Christ. Your “past” has been purchased with the work that Christ did for us on the cross… Do you hate that person? Do you hate the new creation that God’s made you? Or are you still a sinner in need of salvation? Are you in Christ or not?
Romans 8:1, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”
Do you want to bring glory and honor to Jesus? Then accept His gift with great joy, and begin to see yourself as that new creation… begin to see your past failures as being “paid in full” by the great sacrifice that Christ made for you. Begin to see you the same way that your Heavenly Father sees you!