I Just Want to be Happy


Reposted from Radical Mentoring

How many times have you heard someone say, “But I just want to be happy!” Or even said it yourself?

“I’d be happy if I could lose another 10 pounds, but I hate starving all the time!”

“I love the people I work with, but I’m so unhappy with my job.”

“I can’t stand this apartment anymore . . . I want a house!”

“I’ll never be happy here. Don’t you see how people look at me?”

“I don’t get squat from attending my church, but I’m not going through ripping my wife away from her Bible study friends. I just want her to be happy!”

It’s like happiness is something we trade for. “I’ll give up (fill in the blank) in return for being happy.” But it never seems to work out, does it?

Three things make us unhappy . . .

  1. Not getting something we want
  2. Not getting to do what we want to do
  3. Not having people think what we want them to think

Anxiety comes from unmet expectations, and all three of these ‘unhappies’ start with expectations . . . for ourselves, other people or God. We, humans, create a never-ending stream of expectations.

Even when we get what we think we want, we’re not happy for long. Or down deep. No sooner than we get the ‘thing’ we want, we want something else. The thing we want to do might make us happy for a little while, but stuff changes, something new appears, and happiness fades. And getting people’s approval is never certain and as fickle as a housefly. “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do,” said Eleanor Roosevelt.

Happy is “a state of well-being, a pleasurable or satisfying experience.” It comes from the same root word as ‘haphazard.’ It connotes random. Spurious. Here and there. Unpredictable.

But the word ‘joy’ . . . which comes from the word ‘rejoice,’ means “to feel great delight, to welcome or to be glad.” Depending on the translation, the Bible uses the words ‘happy’ and ‘happiness’ about 30 times, while ‘joy’ and ‘rejoice’ appear over 300 times.

For me, joy rides on two things: love and hope. It first came when I grasped that I was loved . . . like really loved . . . by my Heavenly Father. And it hasn’t left since. I have an irrevocable hope because I know that I will always be loved. Personally. By the God of the universe. He knows my name! And He loves me. Individually. Amazing, huh?

The only sure cure for anxiety is a grateful heart. And for the Jesus-follower who ‘gets it,’ gratitude is the default setting of the heart. Grasping how much God loves us, how He forgives us, how He’s always there for us . . . that’s the source of real joy. And that joy isn’t dependent on our circumstances. It’s available 24/7/365. Not haphazard. It’s there for every Jesus-follower.

Scripture: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13.

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The Death of Delayed Gratification


Reposted from Radical Mentoring

As a culture, we’re killing the idea of suffering now for the good stuff later. We want the new car and the newest, coolest stuff, but we don’t want to save for them. We want them now. The result? Car loans, credit card payments, and oppressive debt.

We want happiness, and we want it now. The idea of waiting for your mate to mature seems ridiculous. What if she doesn’t? What if she stays the spoiled “Daddy’s girl” until she dies? What if she never changes her attitude about sex? Are you ready to wait around till the kids leave home, so maybe she’ll become your lover again?

And she’s probably got the same questions about you. Will he ever grow up? Will his relentless pursuit of getting in my pants ever subside? Will he ever care as much about me as he does about his job? Will I ever get as much attention as the TV? Or the ballgame? Will there ever be a time when he’ll hang out with me as much as he plays golf? Will he ever learn to listen to me? Value what I value? Truly be my friend?

The answer is yes. It can happen. All of this is possible.

But it won’t be overnight. It will take time, effort, and a lot of patience. It’s a long-term deal.

Right now is not all there is.

“Live for today, for tomorrow never comes” is a lie.

Tomorrow will come. You will get older. Your wife will change. You will qualify for Social Security, unless the grim reaper snags you early.

Impatience is what gets a marriage in trouble. You want what you want, and you want it now. Same with your wife. Little by little, one of you loses hope that things will change and the result is a mess of a marriage that hangs by a thread.

I want to challenge you to take a minute and think long-term. Really think.

Scripture: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

A Faith of your Own


Reposted from Radical Mentoring

I’ve had a burr in my saddle for a while. I feel it every time a church service ends with an altar call . . . when folks are asked to become Christians. The words flow with passion . . . “Give your life to Jesus.” “Get saved today.” “Surrender to Christ.”

What do these words mean to an unbeliever? Even more, what do they mean to the guy or gal who went through confirmation as a kid and hasn’t thought seriously about their faith since? (See how hard it is to talk about Christian stuff without using ‘church words’?)

Watching videos of middle schoolers share their stories before being baptized, I was stopped in my tracks by these words . . .

“I now have a faith of my own.”

That’s it! These young people have moved beyond the faith of their parents and decided to believe independently. But I think the message is even bigger. Serious Jesus-followers have faith in God and live a faith-filled life! That’s the end game. “Giving your life to Jesus,” “Getting saved,” etc. are a means. The end is a life of faith in God . . . a life lived with God.

Everyone has faith . . . in a job, a savings account, a boss, a spouse, a doctor, a pension plan, a best friend. These days, we’re told to have faith in ourselves. So the idea of ‘having faith’ isn’t new. It’s about who or what we have faith in. Everything I just listed falls short at some point. The job goes away, the doctor can’t heal you, the pension plan is underfunded, the friend moves away, the spouse dies. Now what? Faith in a God who loves me . . . who never leaves, never dies, never moves away, never implodes, never turns his back on you . . . that’s what we all want.

Three things are necessary to have faith in someone or something . . .

  1. You have to believe it exists – You won’t squat in a chair if you don’t believe it’s there. You won’t have faith in an imaginary friend. You won’t put your faith in Jesus unless you believe He’s real.
  2. You have to have access to it – You might believe God exists, but if you can’t get to Him (or He can’t get to you), then you won’t have faith. He’ll be a concept, maybe a nice idea, but not someone you have faith in.
  3. You have to trust it to do what it’s supposed to do – You have faith in your car to get you from point A to point B. You have faith in your stove to cook your food, not wash your clothes. When we start asking people and things (and God) to do things they aren’t supposed to do, we lose faith in them. That’s why so many people lose faith in God and walk away . . . because God didn’t do what they thought He was supposed to do.

Are you struggling with your faith? Can you trace it back to one of these three issues? Pray right now and ask God to give you more faith.

Scripture: The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” (Luke 17:5)

Are You a Human Being or a Human Doing


 

Reposted from Radical Mentoring

Years ago, a good friend really handed it to me. He said, “When I see someone running as hard as you run, I wonder who he’s trying to please.” My friend didn’t wonder, “Is he trying to please someone?” He knew that answer. The question was who?

Most of us start out trying to please our dads. For some of us, that’s the who we’re chasing for the rest of our lives, whether we realize it or not. For years, each time I’d get a promotion or a raise, I’d call my dad before I’d call my wife. It took me a long time to uncover what that said about the most significant who in my life.

But after surrendering to God and ‘replacing’ my earthly father with my Heavenly Father, things changed. I released my dad from all my expectations; from all the things I wished he had been and done. I forgave him and accepted him just as he was for the rest of his life. But before long, I was driving just as hard as a sold-out Christian as I was before. Why?

The reality is, some of us make God our work. We make Him something we do. The church loves it because we fill all the volunteer jobs; fill the seats and the fill the offering plates.

But we miss what God really wants . . .

Relationship

Communion

Dependence

Worship

Gratitude

Love

Those things flow from the Holy Spirit living in our hearts when we stop being human doings and become human beings.

This week, spend time just being . . . with your family, with your friends, with yourself and especially with God.

Just as a soldier who takes on his day without having orders from his commanding officer could be in trouble, how then can we head out in the morning without first consulting Our King of Kings?

Instead of just charging out and doing, stop first to be with Him and ask, “Lord, what would you have me do today?”

In Faith…..We Choose


Reposted from Radical Mentoring

We’re Christians because we have faith in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Which can seem sort of easy to have faith in since it happened 2,000 years ago and didn’t cause us any personal pain.

It’s much harder to have faith when God allows a man to get hit by a car while he’s biking with his son. Or when God tolerates an innocent child being sold into the sex trade. Or when God seemingly doesn’t answer cries for mercy for loved ones suffering debilitating pain.

There are two elements of God’s perspective missing from ours . . . two things we have to grasp and embrace by faith if we’re going to make sense of pain and tragedy in this world . . .

  1. The long view  God sees timelessly. We think right now; He thinks eternity. What looks like tragedy to us in the short-term is grace and mercy in the long. We must learn to trust in the long view and trust that God knows what he’s doing through pain and tragedy in our lives.
  2. The broad view  God is always doing multiple things in multiple lives at the same time. We have no idea how momentary pain or overwhelming tragedy are being used to challenge someone, to break down a hard heart, or to raise up compassion.

When Romans 8:28 starts with “We know” (that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them), it means we “know in advance.” We know God loves us and He’s in charge, so in faith, we surrender. We yield our demands for a certain outcome. We trust He knows what’s best, and is doing something good, even while we struggle through tough times.

In faith, we choose to rest in the fact that He’s using our pain and the suffering for His purposes. In faith, we choose to pray continuously and rely on His strength to get through whatever we’re going through. In faith, we choose to trust that after we do all we can, the outcome is up to Him. And in faith, we choose to believe God has a plan and will use our pain for good somewhere for someone.

That’s what faith is.

Scripture: Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. (Hebrews 11:1) 

This Way of Life


Reposted from Radical Mentoring

As someone who lives and breathes mentoring, I always light up when I find a Scripture about disciple-making. One time, I was reading through the book of Matthew and as I neared the end, I knew I was about to read the Great Commission. I’ve quoted it forever, but this time I was reading The Message paraphrase by Eugene Peterson and found words I didn’t expect . . .

“Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: ‘God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I’ll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.’” (Matthew 28:19-20, The Message)

Train everyone in ‘this way of life.’ The way of life Jesus taught and modeled.

But what does that mean, right now, in the real world? Here’s what ‘this way of life’ means to me personally . . .

  • God is at the center of everything. The constant thought is “Thank you God.” “Thank you for loving me, for saving me, for adopting me into your family.” “Thank you for being with me, no matter what.”
  • Don’t worry. Whatever is coming my way, whatever is in my future will come through God’s hand. If He’s not causing it, He’s allowing it. So I’m leaning into the future, trusting that God loves me, that He is good and that He’ll be accessible to me as I go through whatever.
  • Be grateful for money, but never forget it all comes from Him. I can’t spend a single dollar in the dark. He knows what I spend His money for, so I’m challenged to be careful what I spend and why I’m spending it.
  • The first place I’m to “train . . . in this way of life” is at home. Teaching and modeling the humility, selflessness and character of Jesus is my responsibility. Before Mom, before church, school, Boy Scouts, whatever . . . it’s Dad’s job to make disciples of his kids. To teach them ‘this way of life’ by living it as consistently as possible since values are caught more than taught. And to teach them the principles of God as God shows them uniquely to him.
  • Live your life for others. The Father and other people were everything to Jesus. He taught and modeled total selflessness.

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:37-39)

“Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.” (Matthew 25:45)

That’s what ‘this way of life’ means to me. Don’t get me wrong . . . I don’t live it out all the time. Far from it.

But ‘this way of life’ is what I want for me and my wife. It’s what I want for my kids and my grandkids. And it’s what I want for my mentees and their families. It’s what I want for everyone. It’s the best life possible. It’s incomparable.

Figuring out ‘this way of life’ is something everyone has to come to for himself. It would be pretty hard to argue against what I shared above since it’s straight from Scripture. But everyone has to seek God on their own, listen to His voice and fulfill His unique vision for their lives.

And the how questions are as plentiful as cars on the freeway. Family devotions? Family constitutions? Homeschooling? Mission trips? Serving in the church? Parachurch ministry? Leading a Radical Mentoring group? Everyone gets to figure out their own strategy for living and teaching ‘this way of life.’

So decide what ‘this way of life’ means for you. Write it down. Think about it. Pray over it. Talk to your wife about it. Commit yourself to it.

Then decide what you’ll do to teach it to others, starting with your family and moving out from there.

And then do it.

And if you need a jumpstart on some strategies for this, consider joining us on Nov 9-10 at the 2017 National Disciple Making Forum in Nashville, TN. It will teach you how to be a disciple-maker in any aspect of life . . . from church leadership, to parenting, to working in men’s ministry. I’ll be leading the Men’s Ministry track and our whole team will be there as well. You can receive 20% off tickets using the code MENTORLIKEJESUS (More info here).

Scripture: Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: “God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I’ll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:19-20, The Message)